Man in the mirror

Hellomotto

This week started with a kind of interview during the whole day of Monday! Finally they need more than two weeks to give me an answer. Well as usual, hope the best, but expect the worst! ;)

Yesterday I met an old colleague of my school-times. She studied psychology and yesterday at the exact same time as I she was in the employment center! The serendipity by our past, we always met when we were without job. Four times this happened until now and this time we decided to take a cup of tea together. She is one of the most notable persons I ever met. She had a very hard past (violations, drugz, ructions, jail, etc… - just the whole program), but still is in very good mood and shape! She could allocate a worth on her past that she finally could come to terms with it! Wow! I guess 99,999999999~% of all victims never could process this kind of past in such a good way and finally make an education to help others with similar problems as she used to have… So as it had to come, she also made a profile of me. You may compare it with a bull’s eye in a bull’s eye! She brought me to the point, where I had to think over my own situation, even my life as it is right now! One question I’ve never asked myself she asked me: “I see your capability is very high, you’re very intelligent, eloquent and you can see through things as they really are – with all your attributes you can help others, but can you help yourself? Do you love yourself?” It has been an experience like after all; a person just looked through me and saw the small Harry crying in the corner. So she helped me to find a little more to myself again.

This mornin’ I woke up with a kind of song in the ears. Do you know this? You wake up in the morning and a song is chasing you, but you not even know exactly the lyrics, just a kind of buzzing. And here I had the sequence, which I had in the ears today morning:

“I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his way”

So I googled the text and found the song of Michael Jackson: ‘Man in the mirror’! I went to youtube.com to listen the whole song and all of a sudden I just had tears in my eyes. Somehow I really felt, as this song would shout out my situation. But it also motivated me! It has been like a sign from above, which meant to tell me to start to change with myself. Here the link for the whole video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpTQCQEFhg

I remember the time where I was feeling unstoppable! And do you know the strange thing on this? I felt myself unconquerable in the time where I made my seven-day test! Seven days without one negative thought! It doesn’t mean you don’t even come up with a bad feeling, but as soon you feel it, you don’t hold this state! You formulate your whole language positive! You don’t grumble! And the challenge on this is to hold it up for seven days! See: http://hthturnsintolife.blogspot.com/2007/06/mental-diet.html

I’ll start today, right now! I’m gonna take me again to the mental diet! It’s again time to come up! Step up! I’m thankful for this insight! Also in my situation right now, I can be thankful on what I’ve got right now! I’ll focus again on solutions, not on problems! I’ll take any give challenge! I won’t stop till I’m again on the top!

DEAR VOLKS! HARRY IS BACK AGAIN!!!

Today’s motto: Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. Saint Augustine

Turbulent time!

Dear all!

In the past days many different challenges came over my way. On the one side, I’ve got neglected applications with the reason I’d be over qualified and on the other hand, each prospected company searches already for a younger guy with the same experience like I have! So factual, I’m still without job!

My old employer wanted me to pass on my last two salaries, because there’s still a reputed outstanding which they want to claim me for! I’ve been already to the court regarding this issue and after all, they told me I’m in right! I don’t need to say, that this kind of shit doesn’t help me in good to find something else, nor to focus on the elementary cases of my situation.

My mummy is in kind of tremors, because she wants me to find ASAP something new and asks me questions, which I have to answer, which I already answered several times. I got a sort of family pressure on this case as well!

I started again to treat people harshly out of my environment. Just because I don’t get the compassion I’d like. I realize how even I can’t stand those situation in mastery. I want to stand over it, but somehow, I can’t see the wood for the trees.

My consummation on drugs also increased by the last days. Not any sort of hard drugs like all designer drugs or old silly drugs like cocaine or sugar! But I just realized in my last days, that I grip more on spliffs than before! And I don’t want to fall, so I try again to compensate it more and more with sport.

Sport: anyway this is the best area in my momentary situation. Within one month I lost like three kilo fat but gained around 5 kilo muscles! The more I do sport the better I feel. So you may say I’m almost a sport-junkie!

My financial situation is highly stressed. By the last month I paid all the urgent debtees and finally now haven’t got any savings more. I got around 50 days to find a new job and earn again a substantial income. I already search for a new flat, but this is kind of heavy for me, because no hirer wants to offer his apartments to one, who still has got recovery of claims.

Finally I want to come back on my mood. I try to look forward on things. I try hard to constant and never-ending improve my situations. But somehow I’m always caught up by my distressed situations. I need more energy to control myself, than to move forward. I need to step up! I need to break through. I need to have fait! I need to be smart. I need to be lucky (L:labor / U: under / C: correct / K: knowledge). I need focus. I need to be concentrated. I want to be alive again! I need the feeling of winning! I need to be again over things. I need to burn one’s bridges behind me – I factual already did it! Now I haven’t got any other possibilities than moving forward – toward!

Today’s motto: It is easy to be brave when far away from danger. Äsop