Turbulent time!

Dear all!

In the past days many different challenges came over my way. On the one side, I’ve got neglected applications with the reason I’d be over qualified and on the other hand, each prospected company searches already for a younger guy with the same experience like I have! So factual, I’m still without job!

My old employer wanted me to pass on my last two salaries, because there’s still a reputed outstanding which they want to claim me for! I’ve been already to the court regarding this issue and after all, they told me I’m in right! I don’t need to say, that this kind of shit doesn’t help me in good to find something else, nor to focus on the elementary cases of my situation.

My mummy is in kind of tremors, because she wants me to find ASAP something new and asks me questions, which I have to answer, which I already answered several times. I got a sort of family pressure on this case as well!

I started again to treat people harshly out of my environment. Just because I don’t get the compassion I’d like. I realize how even I can’t stand those situation in mastery. I want to stand over it, but somehow, I can’t see the wood for the trees.

My consummation on drugs also increased by the last days. Not any sort of hard drugs like all designer drugs or old silly drugs like cocaine or sugar! But I just realized in my last days, that I grip more on spliffs than before! And I don’t want to fall, so I try again to compensate it more and more with sport.

Sport: anyway this is the best area in my momentary situation. Within one month I lost like three kilo fat but gained around 5 kilo muscles! The more I do sport the better I feel. So you may say I’m almost a sport-junkie!

My financial situation is highly stressed. By the last month I paid all the urgent debtees and finally now haven’t got any savings more. I got around 50 days to find a new job and earn again a substantial income. I already search for a new flat, but this is kind of heavy for me, because no hirer wants to offer his apartments to one, who still has got recovery of claims.

Finally I want to come back on my mood. I try to look forward on things. I try hard to constant and never-ending improve my situations. But somehow I’m always caught up by my distressed situations. I need more energy to control myself, than to move forward. I need to step up! I need to break through. I need to have fait! I need to be smart. I need to be lucky (L:labor / U: under / C: correct / K: knowledge). I need focus. I need to be concentrated. I want to be alive again! I need the feeling of winning! I need to be again over things. I need to burn one’s bridges behind me – I factual already did it! Now I haven’t got any other possibilities than moving forward – toward!

Today’s motto: It is easy to be brave when far away from danger. Äsop