Since my grandpa died, I'm like in trance. Every morning I stand up and go to work. But as I enter the office, it's like vacuousness. I'm petrified with horror to get my ass up.
Today it's Wednesday and my usual 1-deal-a-day didn't adjust yet. The funeral is on Friday. I still have to prepair my party of the funeral eulogy! You know, the letter I wrote him, as he was alive... - The pastor didn't contact me yet and we have to discuss at which place of term I could intervene.
How come, in this particular bleak mood, I still can help other peoples with their problems, but can't hang on, on my own business? Isn't this weird?! I deflect myself in any other matter than mine! But this doesn't bring me any further.
Stand of my provisions for May are around 5,5 kilo (+ Stock of 4,5). My goal is to come up with at least 6,5. So my gap is over 1000! To produce in less than three days.
(I don't bring up, that it would be possible to earn 18,0 -without stock of another 13,5- in three month - as this is the intervall of my provision-payements.)
So what do you think? How shall I get out of all these? A la Nike? -Just do it?! What for a hopeless sentence if you're hit rock bottom!?? But it's a law of nature to be agressive enough to get anything moved to survive! Just do it! Just do it?
I wanna turn wild and do some real crap! No lies, no excuses! It has to be done! Or the price I got to pay is essentially to high!
Motivation, where are you? Disorder, get the f**** away! >:-o
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